I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
