You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
