just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
