New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
