Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
