Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
