if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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