matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just forgot I was standing up.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
