My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
