6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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