Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
