i love accidental penises.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
