I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
