positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize