Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize