You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
