Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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