Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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