Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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