My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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