And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize