OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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