chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
