she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
