Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
