I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
