After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
