I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
