just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
