So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
