Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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