I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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