the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
