Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
