I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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