3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
