i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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