he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
