Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
