I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
