i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was born a porn star she said
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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