Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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