Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
