I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
