Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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