Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
