$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
