Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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