Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
