I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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