so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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