Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
