Swine flu. Run for my life!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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