I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
