What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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